The Future Starts Now - How Being More Present Will Make Your Life Pop!
“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness. “ - Abraham Maslow
In this month’s blog we take a look at “present moment awareness” the second of six processes that Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) draws upon.
Kelly Wilson, one of the founders of ACT and Professor of Psychology at the University at Mississippi, wrote a whole book about present moment awareness called “Mindfulness for Two”. He argues that if we’re in “better contact with the richness of the world around [us]” it becomes easier to step back from “the story about the world that [our] minds deliver to us…” (p.98) which then opens up the world to us in the form of more flexible ways of behaving.
Mindfulness, or present moment awareness, helps us to cultivate a flexible yet focused attention right here, right now. This practice also puts helps us to approach the world with cognizance of:
1. Equanimity (composure and stability) – the ACT process of acceptance;
2. An awareness that we frame our experience of the world verbally through thoughts – the ACT process defusion helps us to build awareness of this;
3. That there’s a “you” that notices all this going on – the ACT process self-as-context.
Mindfulness helps us to encounter the world, notice what’s important to us in it, and then turn towards or behave in ways we value. What stops us from doing this usually is fusion and avoidance.
Wilson talks about fusion as a form of blending “with a story about the world [that] tells us the limitations inside which we must live. It tells us what’s possible and what’s not possible…where pain is now and, in the future, and what we need to do about it.” (p.99)
It’s not surprising that if we have a particularly unhelpful story we’re telling ourselves (or being told) about the world – for example that the world is painful, difficult, hostile, doomed or unwelcoming (which it sometimes is, of course) or “I am shy/different/unloveable”- we shrink away from it. In ACT terms this is referred to as experiential avoidance.
So how does this show up for us? Worry and rumination are key indicators of us losing contact with present moment awareness – worry is usually future focused (in the words of one of Wilson’s other books “Things Might Go Terribly , Horribly Wrong….?) and rumination is usually about the past (Why didn’t I? If only I’d…..) Other examples include surface level conversational styles or rigid, over detailed planning or persistent apologizing.
Sound familiar? Welcome to the wonderful world of being a human…
How Conversations Can Scupper our Connection to Now.
Wilson also refers to ways in which therapists and clients can get caught up in “mind-y” conversations that disconnect us from present moment awareness. These are stories we tell ourselves about ourselves that involve a lot of
“comparison and evaluation, complexity, busyness and confusion, statements conjoined with “but”, adversarial posturing and side taking; strong future or past orientation; strong problem-solving orientation; strong focus on what something means about the client with respect to others; explanation versus description; categories versus specifics; and the familiar.” (p.106)
As a therapist this also shows up in avoidance strategies such as relying on the familiar; over and under preparing; looking like I am in charge to manage feelings of incompetence; shrinking down to avoid confrontation; taking up the position of “expert” and bombarding clients with too much information; being clever and analytical but losing connection with a client; taking too many notes and assigning too much home practice; listening too intently and allowing the session to fill up with too many stories; not intervening, floating on the surface of conversations about books, films, video games, other subjects or minor episodes a million miles away from the client’s growth and development; being over busy and finally focusing on “insight and understanding” at the expense of behavioural change.
Who knew that sitting with someone else had so many pitfalls for client and therapist eh?
Mind-y conversations take us away from the present moment via language, and towards fusion with rigid beliefs we have about ourselves, other people and/or the world. They keep us stuck.
Mind-y conversations can also facilitate avoidance of painful or disturbing experiences – thoughts/feelings/sensations. Ordinary conversational modes usually follow set conventions, and if we don’t slow down to notice what else is going on in the moment, we can miss out on vital information: our vocal patterns, quality of voice, pacing, cadence, repetition or somatically repetitive movements, posture, eye movements or the emotional tone that we carry with us.
ACT pays attention to these nuances and transitions because they are often indications of a narrowing or widening pattern of behaviour in a particular context.
How Our Stories Stop Us From Really Living.
If we are fused with particular views about ourselves (what it is that’s “wrong” with us) and then narrowing our behaviours to accommodate that story (e.g. avoiding relationships or restricting food or taking drugs to manage our feelings, or self-harming or hiding away), we express a behavioural inflexibility that struggles to engage with the present moment because it’s so caught up in keeping the “story” coherent.
For example “I can’t go that party because I am ugly and shy and everyone will hate me, so I am just going to go to bed instead.” If we are able to cultivate a present-moment, mindful set of behaviours that also incorporate acceptance (or making space for difficulties) and that part of us that observes the whole thing going on (self-as-context), then we start to behave in a more flexible and accommodating way – we surf the waves or roll with the punches depending on your metaphor of choice.
These strategies or tools alter the context of the behaviours, increase flexibility and are more likely to help us to then engage with behaviours in line with our values in the form of committed action. (e.g “I’ll go to the party, even though I’ll feel uncomfortable because friendship is important to me, and if I meet others great, it’s good to meet new people, if I don’t at least I had an experience that helped me learn if parties are the best way for me to socialise or not.”)
In the cuddly, warm jargon of behaviourism this is referred to as “transition from strong antecedent aversive control to appetitive consequential control…giving [us] the opportunity to expand operant repertoires and pursue changes to behaviour…” (p.122)
Or, in more everyday language “I didn’t want to go but I made myself do it because it was important to me. I had a good time and met some nice people, even though I didn’t think I would, and I am gonna do it again even though it was hard work.”
The Present Moment in Therapy.
In therapy then, these transitions are happening all the time in real time, in the interactions between us. It’s not one way either; one of the many fascinating things about the ACT approach is it changes therapist and client. Sometimes I can catch myself becoming narrow and inflexible and that’s usually a sign that something similar is going on for the other person(s) in the session too.
It’s also a sign that we’ve lost touch with the present moment and it’s time to find our way back by slowing down, taking a moment and just noticing what’s going on. You can experiment with making contact with the present moment by trying The Dandelion Exercise.
Meanwhile, if you feel like it’s time you made contact with the present moment but your stories are getting in the way, why not contact us at Rhizome Practice to see if we can help you rediscover the world again. It might just change your life.
