Setting Intentions for the New Year: Self-Compassion and Kindness.

In this month’s blog we look at ways of subverting the “New Year, New Me” treadmill by resting, resisting and reflecting, embodying kindness towards ourselves (and others), and also by refusing the never ending, never attainable perfectionism that underpins New Years Resolutions.

Setting Intentions for the New Year: Self-Compassion and Kindness

As the calendar turns and a new year begins, many of us feel a surge of motivation to set goals, make resolutions, and envision a better version of ourselves. While this can be an exciting and energizing process, it often comes with a subtle undertone of self-criticism. We focus on what we want to fix, change, or improve, and in doing so, we may overlook the importance of treating ourselves with kindness and compassion along the way.

This year, consider approaching your intentions with a foundation of self-compassion. You don’t need to change anything, instead, think about cultivating what and who you already are. Striving to change, improve, update or glow up, is more often than not rooted in Grind Culture and as the very wise and very correct Tricia Hersey puts it “Grind culture is violence and violence creates trauma.”

Here’s why self-compassion matters and how you can cultivate it in your journey:

Why Self-Compassion Matters

  1. It Sustains Motivation: Unlike self-criticism, which can lead to burnout and discouragement, self-compassion provides a steady and nurturing source of motivation. When we’re kind to ourselves, we’re more likely to persevere through challenges and setbacks.

  2. It Encourages Growth: Self-compassion creates a safe space for growth by allowing us to acknowledge our imperfections without fear of judgment. This mindset fosters resilience and the courage to try new things.

  3. It Enhances Well-Being: Numerous studies have shown that self-compassion is linked to greater emotional well-being, reduced stress, and a more positive outlook on life.

Setting Intentions with Kindness

Rather than focusing solely on outcomes, consider intentions that prioritize the process and honor your humanity. Here are some examples:

  • Instead of: “I will lose 20 pounds.” Try: “I will nourish my body with care and move in ways that bring me joy.”

  • Instead of: “I will work harder to get that promotion.” Try: “I will approach my work with curiosity and gratitude, celebrating my efforts along the way.”

  • Instead of: “I will stop procrastinating.” Try: “I will explore what holds me back and take small, compassionate steps to overcome it.”

Practices to Cultivate Self-Compassion

  1. Speak to Yourself as You Would a Friend: When you catch yourself in a moment of self-criticism, pause and reframe your inner dialogue. Ask yourself, “What would I say to a dear friend in this situation?”

  2. Acknowledge Your Shared Humanity: Remember that everyone faces struggles, makes mistakes, and experiences setbacks. You’re not alone in your challenges, and recognizing this can help you feel more connected and less isolated.

  3. Engage in Mindful Self-Care: Pay attention to what you need in the moment and honor those needs without judgment. This could mean taking a break, seeking support, or simply allowing yourself to rest.

  4. Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize and appreciate your progress, no matter how small it may seem. Each step forward is a victory worth celebrating.

A Gentle Reminder

As you set your intentions for the new year, remember that you are worthy of kindness, patience, and grace. You don’t have to have it all figured out, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Self-compassion isn’t about lowering your standards or avoiding accountability; it’s about creating a supportive and nurturing environment where you can truly thrive.

Here’s to a year of growth, joy, and kindness—to yourself and others. May your intentions guide you with gentleness and strength.

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Surviving the Holidays with Self-Compassion: Navigating Family, Origins, and Your Chosen Family